When you have children, every emotion is magnified. The Joys are so much better. The sadness can be so much worse. But mostly, the fears.... they come more often and usually hit me like a freight train.
Last night, I feared for my life a little. I feared for my husbands life a little. I feared for my children's lives so much my body physically ached.
We spent a lovely evening in Chicago having my favorite meal, cooked by my mom, in honor of my dad's birthday. In the distance we could see dark clouds rolling in and lightening flashing. After the presents and pie, we packed up the kids, in their 'jammies, and headed home. We expected to hit rain. Adam was driving because I'm not good at night, my eyes start to hurt and I get REALLY sleepy. One thing about Chicago though, if you don't live there, is that the tall buildings deceive you on distances. The storm that looked miles away was really just outside the downtown area.
As soon as we hit the highway, the rain starting coming down in sheets. Sheets! Waterfalls! A Deluge! Long story short... our drive home was done entirely in various stages of invisibility. At good times, we could see 50-100 feet in front of the car and we drove about 40 mph. At the worst times we drove less than 10 mph and couldn't see our own headlights through the rain and marble sized hail. We thought about pulling over but two things stopped us.
In the back seat were two little heads, both slumped to the left, pudgy faces sleeping like angels. All we wanted was to get those two little people safely home, into their own beds. I turned around to check on them every time a semi-truck barreled past us. I checked on them after every minor accident we drove past. I spent a long time looking at them after the multiple car pile-up we drove by.
I used to worry about myself if my husband passed. I used to worry about him if something happened to me. Yesterday I worried about our will and our finances and what situation am I leaving my children in.
Am I over-reacting? Yeah, maybe a little. But I'm a mom, I get to over-react anytime I want to if my children are at stake. I guess that over-reacting gets bigger/better/worse too!