The Decline of our Society

When we were kids, my sister and I would see who could hit the other on target with the straw wrapper when we went out to eat. Sometimes my dad would join in and my mom would just shake her head at us. More fun was had aiming for heads and noses and glasses of coke during the first five minutes of the meal than for the rest of the evening.

Recently I tried to teach Brianna how to blow the straw wrapper off. I wanted to corrupt her just a little rather than letting Jamie have all the fun. (More about the ways Jamie has corrupted Bri on another day!)

Straw wrappers these days just aren't the same. You can't just blow one end and expect it to fly with ease toward your target of your husband's forehead! You have to pull it slightly off, or even halfway off, and line up carefully because the weight is uneven and it will fly slightly to the left or right depending on which side the seam is on. By then, who cares because your husband knows it's coming and he is giving you that look that says "What are you DOING?" and "Are you really going to teach her that?". And it's just not fun anymore!

My only graduation photos

This past weekend, I graduated with my Masters in Educational Leadership. This means that in a few years, when I'm feeling crazy again, I can become a principal! I was very pleased to have my family there to watch me. My parents, sister, aunt/godmother, husband and children all came to watch. There were a number of camera's there to record it for posterity. I brought our camera, but my dear husband, who was there under some degree of protest, did not take any pictures.

What follows is the only pictures I have from graduation day... Brianna after graduation.

Still sleeping....

Bed time

Adam takes Brianna and puts her to bed most nights. This started because when I was nursing, Grant always seemed to want eat at exactly her bedtime. It has sort of continued because it works for us. They have worked out a little routine with how many books to read and what little rituals need to be done. He likes to talk to her about her day and what will happen tomorrow.

Some night, I take Bri to bed. We have a slightly different ritual. I like to tell her all the ways I love her and say prayers.

Last night as Adam was trying to get her up to bed, she started crying for me. This, in itself, is not unusual. But, last night she had already had her hugs and kisses from me and we'd said good night. She wanted her prayers. She climbed back up in my lap, cuddled into my neck and I said the prayers. She is trying to memorize them so every now and then I pause and let her insert the next word. At the end we say Amen together and give a big hug. I love that she loves it!

Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the lord my soul to sleep.
Angels watch me through the night,
wake me with the morning light.
God Bless mommy and daddy,
Brianna and Grant,
Grandma and Grandpa's,
Aunts and Uncles and Cousins,
God Bless Everyone,
Amen.

"Funny Noises"

It was pointed out to me this weekend by my loving sister Jamie, that I have a tendency to blow my nose rather loudly. I have had a cold or some spring allergies or something recently and so find myself blowing my nose quite often.

This morning, I blew my nose while waiting at a stop light. Brianna began laughing her head off! She said to me, "Mommy, I want to make funny noises". I pretended to not know what she was talking about, this is not by any stretch of the imagination the first time she has heard me blow my nose... I knew I was sunk though when she asked for a tissue and began blowing loudly through her mouth. Then it was my turn to laugh hysterically. What a great kid!

PS- I tried to turn this into a lesson on how to blow your nose, but no dice, still to young I guess.
Always a teacher...

Happy Mothers Day to ME!

Yesterday we had the nicest little mothers day party at Brianna's "school". Yes, I know MD is 11 days away but for a variety of reasons, yesterday was a good day for it. The kids put on a little show for us where they danced along to little songs. (I call these hokey pokey songs... They words tell you what to do and you just listen and follow along). Then we ate a lovely snack of cheese nips and danishes accompanied by our choice of apple juice, ice tea, or water.

The culmination of the big party was when each child presented their mother with a gift they had made. (Brianna thought the gift was FOR her, not FROM her!) It was a lovely (cardboard) jewelry box on which someone claiming to be Brianna had hot-glued little gems. (Please GOD tell me that they didn't let my 2 year old anywhere near a hot glue gun!) Inside the jewelry box was a scarf (dollar-store bandana) as a gift from the teachers. Mine was white with blue polka-dots. Bri's teachers said to me... "I thought you'd like it, you wear a lot of blue".

People... If you discount blue jeans....I OWN NOTHING BLUE!

On the serious plus side, There was a very nice card with a poem the teachers had written and a drawing by the real Brianna. There was coupons for extra hugs and kisses from Brianna. And there was a nice lily (That will probably die in my car today because I forgot to take it out).

I love the thought, and they say that's what really counts.

Could someone please tell me which pile my brain is under?

I really shouldn't be posting this!

I really don't have time to waste posting and reading blogs. I should be working. The piles of work to be done are near to breaking my desk. And the "TO DO" lists are starting to cc: other "TO DO" lists about how little is actually getting done.

I have been up until 11 or 12 every night this week. (Shut up, don't tell me it's only Wednesday and that it shouldn't count as a week yet.) And the littlest love of my life has been wide awake and ready to go around 5 every morning. This is one very precious half hour earlier than I want to get up.

I have new pictures.... no time to download... maybe by Friday.
I have funny stories.... no time to remember details, oh well.

Kids, I'm sorry Mommy is a raving lunatic who doesn't remember what you were like as babies and didn't keep up with your baby books. I still love you!

Just because

Photos for fun!

Speak into my good ear!

Brianna is getting much more verbal. She constantly amazes us with the thoughts she can express, often in a pretty good imitation of a complete sentence. She especially likes to talk on car rides...

She tells us her feelings, talks about school yesterday (or weeks ago), narrates what she's seeing outside, tells us what Grant is doing, etc. Sometimes she talks loudly and clearly and I can even have a conversation with her. This morning we talked about how birds have wings and they fly up in the sky and how Brianna and Mommy and Daddy and Grant have hands not wings and that we can't fly up in the sky.

Sometimes Bri seems to be talking to no one. I'm not sure if this is the beginning of an imaginary friend or if she just thinks better out loud. Our only problem is when she is talking in her low, sort of to herself mode, and then expects a response! From the front of the car what I heard was, "Sheila huystsoighakndoidfs friends sfoifsdfkmdlfkio no like oaidflanmlkfnoi banana dlskfjoasdifjalsdkf John. Right Mommy?"

And I brightly say, "That's right honey!"
It must be! Brianna said so!

pictures

Once again, my sister is better about posting pictures of my kids than I am! Oh well!

Go to her site and enjoy!

I forgot the camera

Today I had planned on posting some adorable pictures of my kids in their coordinating Easter outfits... but I forgot the camera! In all the hullabaloo of getting bottles and diapers and such and trying to get out the door somewhat close to on time... It didn't even occur to me!

I am hoping that Jamie will e-mail me some pics, or maybe my mom (but that would be quite a technological feat for her!)

I am planning on getting the kids pictures taken this weekend so I will take a photo then and pretend that I remember to do it on Easter!

Drama Queen

Last night, Brianna got out of bed and came downstairs after she was supposed to be sleeping. I heard her coming down the stairs but Adam was outside and I was feeding Grant so didn't turn to her right away. The moment I turned to see her (standing just low enough to be in sight, about half way down the stairs), her face went from passively watching me to gut wrenching sobs in about one second. During second number two, the waterworks started. By the time she made it to the bottom of the stairs she was hysterically sobbing complete with runny nose.

Because I couldn't stop feeding Grant to take her right back upstairs, we waited for Adam to come in. During that 3 minutes or so, she cuddled next to me on the couch and scaled back to whimpering with random tears. And then she broke my heart...

As Adam came back in I told her it was time to go back to bed and go "night night". The sobbing came back and she paused just long enough to look in my eyes and say, "But I need you mommy."

What do you say to your not quite 3 year old an hour after bedtime when all they claim to want is more time with you?

Me, I send her upstairs with her father and shed a few tears of love.

What do you think?

Hello wonderful readership of 3-5 people! What do you think, do my kids look alike?
Brianna at about 3 months old:
Grant at about 3 months old:

I can do pictures!!!!!!

Grant is wearing a funny hat!

And this is Brianna at Chuck-E- Cheese!

Remember back in January when I went to Chucky's house (that's what Bri calls it) and I said I would post pictures!

Oh My God!!! Thank you Blogger


I'll post better pictures soon, that's all I had handy!

Cute things

I was trying to find a particular story to post today and can't really think of just one thing. There are so many cute things that Brianna does on a daily basis that I haven't really talked about yet. (Grant still doesn't do much, although his laugh is really cute.)

- When Bri hears an interesting noise she puts her hand up to her cheek and says "I hear somtin."

-When you give Bri 2 options that she doesn't like (Do you want to put your PJ's on or sleep in your clothes?) she says "Nothin". As if by denying both choices, she will be allowed to do whatever she wants.

- She LOVES school busses and trains. Everyday on our way to and from school we have to watch for them.

- She sings along with her favorite songs. She substitutes a nice ah ah ah sound when the words are too fast or hard for her.

- She HATES when Adam and I try and sing to her songs. She gets very mad at us and yells "No Mommy!"

- When we won't let her do what she wants she pouts and stalks off to a corner to sit. She tells us "I'm not happy with you." or "I mad at you."

- She hugs her brother a LOT and when I remind her to be gentle, she looks at me and with a completely grown-up tone tells me "I AM being careful."

- She likes to eat apples the way an adult would, whole, taking the cutest little bites out of the skin.

This morning Adam drove the kids to school and while I liked being on time for a change; I was sad that there was no one to point out the "Choo Choo" to or to sing silly songs for me.

Thou dost protest to much

Today we took the kids to the mall for lunch and a little spring clothes shopping. We also do this on a fairly regular basis to tire the kids out when it's not nice enough outside on a weekend. (People, the mall is huge! We could walk and shop for hours!)

Grant was in total overstimulation mode. If you've never seen a baby overstimulated, think of a dog the first 2 minutes at a dog park. Must see everything, must touch/taste/feel/smell everything. Will freak if not allowed to do everything. SO he started freaking out after an hour or so, too much to handle at 5 1/2 months old I guess! We weren't even in the car 2 minutes and he was sleeping like a rock.

Brianna on the other hand... Chatty Cathy was narrating the ride home for us. We heard about Grant sleeping, we heard about the red or green lights, we heard about the other cars, we heard about the trees... suddenly we hear the same phrase over and over... "Mommy, I'm not tired". (Which actually sounded more like, Mummy, I not tie-werd.) I said what I always say, "That's OK." She continued to try and convince us for the next minute or two. (Try saying the same four words over and over for a full minute, it's very annoying.) And then... Silence. Eyes closed, commence quiet snoring!

We repeated a version of this when I lifted her out of the car to take her to bed at home. (I lift her up) Mommy, I not tired. (I settle her head on my shoulder.) Mommy, I not tired. (Her voice is fading slowly as I carry her up the stairs.) Mommy, I not...zzzzzzzz.

I'm still here

It's been a while...

We had a lovely spring break, sort of. Grant's teachers thought he was sick so I had to keep him home the Friday before break, a hectic way to leave work but he never did get sick so that was good. I on the other hand developed some freakish cold that was a little different everyday. Monday- 103 degree fever; Tuesday- serious congestion; Wednesday- The sore throat; Friday- the coughing. Only the coughing continued and is just now winding down over a week later!

On the plus side, we bought a new car! We decided that Adam's 2 door cavalier with no air conditioning was just not going to cut it anymore. (Forget the fact that it needed a couple hundred dollars worth of work!) After much debate and a dozen almost decisions, we bought a 2006 Toyota Camry. We got a great deal because they already had some 2007 models on the lot (What the F is up with that?).

In order to accomplish this monumental feat of decision making, we sent Brianna to school 3 of the 5 days. Yes, we were home relaxing and could have been spending quality time with her but sent her to school anyway. Trust me, it was better for all of us. I am dreading summer! She is so bored at home and the kids in the neighborhood just aren't quite the right age for playing. BESIDES the fact that when a 2 1/2 year old is nearby, no one relaxes!

So now all that fun is over. I am back at work counting down the days to summer and debating some serious internal job moves. I'm a little stressed, maybe more later on that...

I have a favorite picture I keep next to my desk... It is a toddler with his/her head resting on the wall with eyes shut. The caption says "Any idiot can face a crisis- it's this day-to-day living that wears you out." (Anton Chekhov)

SO. TRUE.

Different kids

I know that most of the time I post about my children, my kids, Brianna and Grant... But I am also a teacher and I have 99 other kids that I think about daily.

I worry about them and care about how they do and wonder what they think and wish for their success.

I can't motivate all of them if they don't want to be motivated.
I can't make them listen and remember.
I can't bend the directions everytime one needs to succeed a little more.
I can't do it for them or fix it every time.

Most sadly, I can't make their parents support them or support me.

Parents- The best thing you can do for your children is be there when they need you, and try and see both sides of every story. I know your child is wonderful and believable and they never stretch the truth in their favor... But sometimes the teacher has good ideas and reasons behind their behavior. Sometimes your child has to be upset to learn a lesson. Sometimes they might even need to fail because they didn't pay attention in class or remember to do their big project on time. I KNOW IT'S HARD! Life is hard. It's sad but true. You will not be there to call the college professor or your child's boss when their work is late or done improperly.

I would really like to tell you the story that is prompting this but I am too afraid of it being read by the wrong person.

I AM NOT PICKING ON YOUR CHILD.

Obsessions

I don' know if it's just Brianna, or if it's all 2 year olds... They get obsessed with things!

This week it's stop signs. I don't know if road signs are something the daycare is teaching her or what but she is obsessed with stop signs. She points out every stop sign we see, and asks for more stop signs if there aren't any around. Add this to the green light/red light things and driving in a car with her is REALLY annoying.

To add more fuel to my morning fire, the majority of our drive is east, straight into the sun. After repeating several times that the sun is awake, she starts complaining that it is in her eyes. Not that I can blame her there, the sun is indeed blaring right into our eyes. In the past we have given her paper or a folder to hold up to block the sun. On really cranky mornings, we've even had to hold it up for her. Recently though, I bought her little sunglasses. She finally stopped playing with them long enough to wear them properly and now we can't drive anywhere with out them!

Horror of Horrors...today the sunglasses were left in Daddy's car! The entire way to work I had to hear various levels of whining... I need my glasses! Luckily the sun was blocked by clouds occasionally. I think I will have to buy a second set of glasses this week!

Grant- you don't ever have to start talking if you don't want to!!!

Lazy A-- Post

I am too tired and too busy to really post today but Jamie has some great pictures of my kids today.

If it's not one thing...

So. We figured out this whole Grant/Bottle thing and I won my bids on e-bay. As I speak (type?) more bottles and a variety of nipples are on their way to me. This should be enough to last us quite a while, until sippy cup time! In the meantime, my whole family came down with colds this weekend. Boxes and Boxes of tissue later, everyone is well but me. I seem to have progressed from head cold to mind numbing flu. I took today off work and will probably take tomorrow off as well. Friday I 'm taking the 99 hormonal teenagers and 10 responsible (?) parents on a field trip. If I'm not better by then, I might just kill myself by the end of the day. I'll let you know! (PS- Today Blogger won't let me use my return key to move the cursor so please pardon my messy post!)

More Childhood Torture

Today, and for the next 48 hours, all Grant is going to get is formula. Icky, smelly, tastes like ear wax, formula. And why???? Because mommy doesn't love you enough to breastfeed into eternity. Mommy is just plain sick of the pumping and the crap!

So Grant, when you vaguely remember hating me for some reason, this is it. But don't blame it only on me. The Internet at large and a book called "The Baby Whisperer" told me to do it. They told me that if I don't offer you anything else for 48 hours, you will be forced to drink it because you will get hungry enough. GOD I HOPE SO!

Now that we have bottles you like, you can't use that excuse anymore. So drink up kid! This will be the only thing your getting, I don't care how much you scream. (OK, I do care but my long term sanity is on the line here so please shape up already!)

Today I became an E-Bay shopper

Grant has picked a bottle he likes!!!! Yeah!!!!!

It is discontinued!!!!! UGH!!!!!!

Why is my Jewel even selling bottles that have been discontinued for a year? Even the company doesn't have any more to sell me or give me, they don't even advertise them on their website!
Why is my son so difficult? Is this a sign of things to come? I am quite scared.

So today I stalked e-bay! I found some bottles I can get for VERY reasonably, but the nipples are going to astronomically expensive from a different seller. If I "win" both these items, I will have enough bottles to get through one day at a time. I will continue to spend every evening washing bottles so that I can pre-make them for the next day.

I mentioned this to a nosey/friend/fellow mom at school and she now considers herself on a mission to find more of these bottles for me. I appreciate her help but think she is really weird for wanting to spend her weekends looking for bottles for me.

If you want to be a personal shopper too... Keep your eyes open for "Evenflo Elite". It is a clear bottle with a blue ring and a very shallow, wide nipple. (Hello perves!)

Stalling

Right this minute I should be working on a short paper/assignment that I have due in Grad class tonight. I just can't care! 8 more nights to go...

For posterity

If my kids actually read this someday, like I hope, to find out the things I can't remember from their childhood... I think it's time to log what our day looks like:

5:30 Mom wakes up and gets herself ready
6:00 Mom feeds Grant while Dad gets Brianna ready
6:15 (or more like 6:30 most days) Mom leaves for school with Bri and Grant, Dad gets himself ready
6:45? Dad leaves for work
6:45 ish- Mom drops the kids at school- first I drop off Grant, then Brianna with some cuddles, then back to Grant for cuddles and our daily list of new things to try so maybe Grant will eat today!
7-4 Parents working.... Kids playing
Brianna- You love the kitchen area, especially shopping with the plastic shopping cart and taking care of the baby dolls. You also love painting and eating. Your favorite foods are Chicken nuggets and Mac and Cheese. You also will eat pasta, apples, or grapes until you explode! You are still napping about 2 hours every afternoon. When I come to pick you up, you don't want to leave school. You always ask for "tee mo minutes" (Three more minutes). I usually give you about 5 while I hear from your teachers about what a stinker you were today.
Grant- You are napping about 3 times a day, for an hour or 1 1/2 hours at a time. You eat twice a day at school. You are a stinker about eating at school, you give your teachers a really hard time. You have done better these past few days with new bottles and I really hope that you will be a better eater soon. You are so good at "Tummy time" that you haven't learned to roll over yet. I know you will soon though. You have just figured out mirrors and break into the biggest, most beautiful smile whenever you catch site of yourself in one. Your teachers love you silly and cuddle you a lot even though you are cranky for them.
4-6 Mom picks up the kids and we all go home and play or watch tv. (Dad picks up on Wednesday's and Mom goes to grad school)
6ish- Dinner as a family. We go out about twice a week, or bring in food more often. On Tuesday's Dad and Mom take turns taking Brianna to Gymnastics (aka 'nastics). Bri LOVES 'nastics!
8:15/8:30 Dad takes Bri to bed most nights. Mom does it occasionally if she's not feeding Grant at this time. We read you two books, turn out the lights, say prayers, tuck you in, and remind you of all the wonderful things that happened today and might happen tomorrow. We give you one book to "read" as you fall asleep.


Kids- We love you THIS much!

No news is just more of the same

The old saying goes... "No news is good news"... well, not always in my findings.

No news just means everything is the same. Good or bad...just same.

In my case, that's not so good. We are trying new bottle styles with Grant this week and am planning to deprive him of food this weekend. Not really but... Someone I know recommended a book called "The Baby Whisperer". This book recommends the following: Offer your baby nothing but a bottle for 48 hours, offer it every hour until he drinks from it. This is based on the premise that he will eat if he gets hungry enough. I SINCERELY HOPE SO! I'm not sure I can take the screaming if it doesn't work. Anyway, the theory goes that after the 48 hours, as long as you offer a bottle once a day the baby will never have a problem drinking from them. It worked for my friend. I think I might call my pediatrician and see what they think of my intentional torture of my infant son.

Brianna is good. Cranky though. I think she realizes that most of my attention and time is being spent trying to figure out Grant's stuff. She knows she's getting the shaft and is acting out to get attention. She's not doing anything major, but sometime the little annoying things are worse than one big thing. She likes to put toys in her mouth. She knows that's not what she's supposed to do but... she puts them in her mouth and then turns to me and mumbles... "look at me mommy" and grins like the devil! I tell her to take it out and she does for a while, until she feels silly again.

Adam is not doing so good. He doesn't tolerate Grant's temper tantrums well. He gets REALLY frustrated and just needs to get away. When he's stuck, he gets angry. I know he only wants to make our kids happy but he scares me a little when he's angry around the kids. I don't want them to learn that yelling is the way to get things done. He's working on it.

ME, I'm just same... sleep deprived, a little sad, and V.E.R.Y. busy!

Tomorrow I'll try and look for happy things to post.

Bottles and formula

Please let as many moms as you know about today's post... I need as many temporary readers as I can get so I can get lots of advice.........


Quickly about me for those who don't know me:
I have a daughter Brianna who is now 2 1/2. I also have a 4 month old son Grant. He is my concern today...

He refuses formula! I have been nursing thus far but am having a very hard time balancing work and pumping and want him to take formula at school then I will (ideally) nurse at night. When his teachers try and give him bottles he arches his back and turns his head repeatedly. They really have to "fight" with him to get him to eat. I have noticed this same behavior at home when my husband is bottle feeding him... at at this point we are bottle feeding breast milk.

Consequently, he is very unhappy at daycare, and is not gaining weight the way he should. He only gained 1/2 pound in the last month.

On top of his reluctance toward bottles, he seems to hate formula. We have tried 2 types of standard formula, these make him throw up. He seems to have a problem digesting them. He reacts ok to soy formula but hates to take it.

HELP!

Any suggestions for types of bottles that might be better?
Or similar experiences that I could share with my Dr.?

I am currently thinking that I might just have to go to all bottles and all formula! Sudden switch style. I can only imagine that this is the only way he will get hungry enough to eat and get used to the formula. That would make me very sad though...

2 is a teenager minus 10

I am working on a theory that children aged 2 are actually just practicing teenagers.

Similarities:
They want to do everything by themselves.
They will scream and fight you if you don't let them do it themselves.
They start fights with you for fun.
They are temperamental and moody.
Two minutes after they are arguing with you, they are hugging you and happy.
They are completely self-centered.
You love them just a little more than you can't stand them.

If I am right, I am completely screwed in 10 years!

scaleyboy and stoplightgirl

I love calling my kids by nicknames. (Thanks to Jamie for the ones above). Very seldom are they actually Brianna and Grant. Other people also call my kids by nicknames. Is this common in other houses, or am I certifiable?

Today Jamie made me crack up by calling them "anklebiters". Nothing new just really funny today for some reason.

We have taken to calling Grant "The Owl" because of his love for trying to spin his head as far as he can in either direction. Someday he will star in "The exorcist" without special effects needed!

We used to call Brianna "Little Lizard" because of her love of sticking out her tongue. I don't think we have a picture of her between 2 months and 10 months old withOUT her tongue sticking out!

Other names:
Brianna------- Grant------------- Shared
Bri Bri---------- G.------------------ Pumpkin
Silly Goose ------Senior Stinky ------Sweetheart
Miss Muffet----- Slugger------------ Bub/Bubber
--------------------------------------Short Stuff

....And so many more.....

picture

I still haven't figured out how to post pictures on this site... but Jamie posted one of Grant that I love!

K.I.S.S

Keep it simple stupid!

I think Grant is Itchy! I wouldn't be happy if I was itchy and didn't know how to scratch!

I took a good look at Grant last night and he doesn't just have the ezcema break outs on his face, they are on his arms and legs as well. (Those aren't nearly as bad since they are covered all the time and don't get irritated). He also has plain old dry skin on his belly and back! I feel like a silly mommy for not thinking of that!

I feel so much better today because I have a plan!
1. Get the outbreak under control with warm soaks in the tub and a good sensitive skin lotion in addition to the medication.
2. Start playing with foods and chemicals to see what causes outbreaks... maybe the daycare teachers lotions.

I love having a plan!

Teardrops and Roses

So, What do you want first? The good news or the bad news?

Good News... Adam did my favorite thing for Valentines day, he brought me roses. He even had the kids help give me them. It was very sweet and my kitchen smells great!

Bad News... Grant has ezcema, and it's getting worse. I just don't know what to do with it. The medication works but then I'm supposed to stop using it and within 2 days at daycare, his skin looks horrible again. I am doing all sorts of research and I thought I had it narrowed down to a short list of possible irritants to try eliminating. HOWEVER... today, his teachers told me that he is spending increasing amounts of time unhappy at daycare. By unhappy, he is either crying or needing to be held and rocked individually, he's only happy for 10-15 minute stretches, or when he's sleeping. They also added that he fights them when they are giving him his bottle, he squirms and arches his back and they are actually afraid they will drop him because he's moving so much.

I sat in my car and cried this morning. I am very glad that the daycare is finally being honest with me about how his day is going but I am SO sad that he is unhappy. Worst of all, I don't know if I can do anything about it. I have to work, he can't spend 24/7 with me. (He doesn't behave that way with me). I feel so helpless. There is no amount of research that can make this better fast enough.

He has a regular doctor appt. on Monday and I will be talking this all over with his dr then. Until then, I will try not to cry too much.

Motherhood is about torturing your kids

Grant is allergic to daycare. I mean this quite literally. In the weeks after starting daycare he developed a very nasty, crusty, dry skin meets open sores kind of rash. We noticed that it would get slightly better over the weekend and by Wed it was back in full force. I took him to the doctor who said it was excema. If all my research is right, this means he has an allergic reaction to something that is causing his face to dry out and chafe. The daycare very graciously switched to the same detergent I use at home. No dice. I have to use this nasty greasy cream on his face and then I can't kiss his wonderful little cheeks!

I am sad. He is itchy.

I really hope at his next dr. appt. the new dr. has something better to say!

I am also torturing Brianna by working. She is the smallest little girl in her class and there is a little boy who is picking on her. Everyday she tells me what he did today. (She calls him Goga, this is not his real name but a version of how she hears his last name). "Goga pusha me down".
"Goga hit me". Etc. Her teachers are quite aware of the little 2 year old bully but there are only 2 teachers and 15-18 kids in the room. They can't watch every minute.

I've taken to buying her cookies and am stopping myself just short of telling her to hit him back. The teacher in me won't condone fighting in any way. But maybe soon...

The Extended Version

Whoa, Whoa, Whoa your boat,
dently drown da dream,
mariry, mariry, mariry, mariry,
wife is dut a DREAM.

(The last word is screamed at the top of Brianna's lungs, with head thrown back, everytime!)

Tiny drunk people

I have discovered recently that toddler speech is very similar to that of drunk adults. The words are a little slurred, the sounds don't seem to fit quite right, and you have to think really hard to make it make sense.

I discovered this while listening to Brianna and my niece Hannah (who's the same age as Bri) sing songs on Superbowl Sunday.... Well, then I compared them to my adult guests who were partaking of grain based beverages.

After several choruses of "Whoa, Whoa, Whoa your boat", and "The Itsy ditzy Spider" (by the 2 year olds, not the adults). We were cracking up! We then requested "Tinkle, Tinkle, wittle sta" and "The ABCDE song". Our pint sized entertainment was happy to oblige.

People, this is better satisfaction than The 'Stones any day of the week!

The color of annoyance

As a normal 2 1/2 year old, Brianna is working on learning her colors. As parents who are both teachers, we use every opportunity we can to practice....

Last week we began asking her to tell us what color the stop lights were as we pass them. She began to get them right on a regular basis, so we added that Red means stop, Green means Go, and Orange means slow down (at least that's what we tell her). Brianna is now very faithful in telling us what color EVERY SINGLE stoplight is, whether I ask her or not.

And why is this annoying?

Internet... I have created the worlds smallest back seat driver!!!!

Can you hear it now?

Mommy, Red means STOP, Red means STOP, Red means STOP, Red means STOP, Red means STOP, Red means STOP, Red means STOP, Red means STOP, Red means STOP, Red means STOP, Red means STOP, Red means STOP, Red means STOP....

I swear, My town has the longest red lights ever in the history of man!

I'm working!

I was reminded by Jamie that I have yet to post the promised Chuck E Cheese pictures... I'm working on it! I do the majority of my work on my iMac at school and the photo software offered by Blogger is not Mac compatible. I have tried another site now but it is proving to be more difficult and time consuming than I can manage right now.

Besides... I'm working this week! I don't mean that in the, I go to work sense, but in the, work is crazy and I barely have time to breathe sense!

This morning... Brianna and I were counting the school busses we saw on our drive to school (she LOVES school busses). Suddenly, she informed me that the school bus was silly. I of course asked why, she said (after thinking a moment) that the school bus tickled her! I said that SHE was silly. She started laughing at herself maniacally and saying "tickle tickle"!

not one good thing

I have been trying to come up with one good story from the past few days but really, it's been "normal" in our neck of the woods. I decided to give a little bit of "normal" to the web.

Daily occurrences:
Brianna wants to do it by herself. (It doesn't matter what "it" is, we hear... "NO, I do!)
Grant stinks up the whole house.
Brianna cries when it's time to turn Dora off.
Grant just cries.
Brianna wants to eat but nothing I'm offering.
Grant eats constantly (every 4 hours feels like constantly... Especially in the middle of the night.)
Brianna makes a mess.
Grant makes a very different kind of mess.
Brianna gives us "big hugs" that strangle, and sloppy wet kisses.
Grant smiles so big we think his lower jaw might pop out of it's socket.


That's life these days!

Wednesday, oh how I loathe thee

Wednesday is a four letter word in my house.

After working all day with cranky pre-teens (hump day means cranky day in a middle school), I go to graduate school all evening. Graduate school is interesting on a social level if not academic level, at least my whispered side conversations keep me awake. Then I go home.

At home I generally find at least one crying child and a husband who looks like Mt. Vesuvius on a BAD day! Adam is wonderful with our kids, he plays with them, changes diapers, does everything a good dad should... but he does not handle crying well. Despite his ever growing knowledge of what children need to be happy, he doesn't always think of the right one at the right time. Especially with Grant.

Please don't think I blame him! I love my husband and can't thank him enough for understanding that I need to finish my masters and keep working. I know exactly how he feels when Grant is screaming with a tummy ache and Brianna wants milk NOW and you just can't handle one more minute! But it's still chaos I come home to.

One more grad school session till I graduate... 10 more frickin Wednesdays.

I know what you mean

Today, This, almost made me cry. If I were are home, not at work, I would have sobbed.

Grant is only three weeks younger than Noah and Amalah can write it so much better than I could ever even think it.

My big baby, and the little one too!

Last night, we took the kids to meet Pop-pop Howie and Grandma 'Niese at Chuck E Cheese. They have Hannah staying with them for a couple days while her mom and dad adjust to having new baby Benjamin at home.

Brianna is TERRIFIED of Chuck E. I don't think she ate more than about 3 bites of pizza, despite the fact that it is one of her favorite foods. Every time that stupid animatronic mouse started singing or dancing, she would pretty much wrap herself around my neck or cower in the corner of the booth saying, "Chucky singing...no like Chucky... Chucky scare me."

And if I thought that was bad... I almost lost my head when she squeezed it off when the human Chuck E came with in 100 feet of us! I might have lost my hearing as well with the crying and all... except that it had already gone upon entering this den of din! I think I might have a headache until the weekend!

Meanwhile, Grant LOVED it! It was all his favorite things rolled up together. He got to be held, while looking at lots of bright lights and shiny moving things. All this coupled with a full belly and a dry diaper. What more can a three month old ask for? I liked that it kept him awake all evening, and asleep all night! YIPEE!! Even if it's still a once-in-a-while thing, I'll take all the sleeping through the night that I can get!

My favorite part was the photo ops... I'll post those as soon as I can!

New lease on blogging

I have made a decision... I am going to resign myself to mommy blogging.

I have so many things that I want to tell my children someday, like how they looked when they were crying or how frustrated I get when they won't eat. However, I know that I will forget it all before they are old enough to care. I've never been good with a journal or diary but this is more like e-mail. I'm going to "e-mail" my kids information about themselves.

I may occasionally tell y'all other things too like how hard it is to finish graduate school with two kids (3 if you count my husband, and I do!).

My name is Johanna, and I am a mommy blogger! I will flood the internet with stories of my children that only I think are funny. I will waste cyberspace with information that no one but me, and maybe a handful of others will ever read. I only hope that someday, this will still be available for my children to read, if even they care!

4 or 5 more weeks

I planned a really good post this morning during my drive to work.

I can't remember what it was... I thought it would come back to me as I stared at the screen.... no such luck.

This is what they call Pregnancy Brain! Anything I don't do IMMEDIATELY must be written on a neon post it note and stapled to my head or hand or something. It's really gone.

I know it had to do with Brianna... and Grant... and I had some really cute quips planned.

Oh well, I guess I'll actually have to grade papers instead.

I made it

I made it to Target and back but they had no short sleeved maternity tops so I had to buy an ugly, too big, men's t-shirt.

My professional attire looks like crap now!

I am a horrible blogger

I guess this is the reason why I never kept a journal or diary. I do not do well with making time to write daily.

I am thinking of changing the premise of this blog, or scrapping this one and starting a new one. I think I would like to blog about my children (child, soon to be plural). I don't really think that would be more interesting for the web world but I would like my children to be able to read it someday and know what they were like as little people.

Anyone who knows me knows that my long term memory is HORRIBLE. I can't remember details from most of my childhood. I remember general feelings or big events but the little things, the fun things, are lost forever.

It terrifies me that my children will someday ask me about their childhoods and I won't remember.

I am pondering this especially today. Our AC is out at work, which I was not prepared for, so I am sitting here sweating like an aerobics class, except I am wearing a long sleeved blouse and long pants! Grant seems to like it though, he is kicking up a storm. Consequently, I am walking around holding my belly more than usual and people keep asking me if I am ok.

I am actually going to Target during lunch to buy a t-shirt and maybe some lightweight capri's. Do I need more summer weight clothes in Mid- Sept. with only 4-5 weeks left in this pregnancy, HELL NO! but I'm never going to survive the second half of the day if I don't!

Wish me luck getting back on time!

My Angel

Brianna is my Angel.

I am at work today and was putting off actually doing something by looking at a new picture of her. She is off with her grandma today visiting great-grandma. The best thing about sending her off with my mom is that she goes happily. I am actually anticipating that Bri will cry when grandma leaves this afternoon.

For the good of nothing in particular, here are some funny things Bri says:
(remember she's only 2!)

foo fies = French Fries
oh tah = Oh Kay!
Hi Elmo (well, actually she says hi to all her favorite characters when they show up on tv)
cake cake = pancake, a daily request in our house
kack kack = back pack (Lord love it, she actually carries her own diaper bag now since it's in her favorite back pack!)

I'm Back... (cue the scary music)

Well it's been ages! It has been quite a summer and I am moderately excited to get back to work and "normal" life.

This summer we traveled to Alaska for Adam's family reunion. Then after a mere 3 days at home, we drove from Chicago to the southern coast of South Carolina for my family reunion. For you travelers, Seabrook Island was nice, but I wouldn't really recommend it. It only qualified as "fine". Besides all that, there were grad school classes, a moderately successful garage sale, and lots of pregnancy progress.

I am now 31 weeks pregnant. 9ish weeks to go and I wish I had the time to freak out, I would really like to! Baby Grant is growing fine they tell me, I'm maintaining a moderately small bump and actually have only gained 4lbs this pregnancy. Dr's are not worried as I was heavier than ideal to start with. I guess this makes up for my last pregnancy when I gained just shy of 50lbs!

We are back to work out here in the 'burbs. Teacher institutes start Friday and our students have their first day Thurs after that. Why do you care?

I'm back on a reliable, fast computer and will hopefully be blogging MUCH more often.
Be worried... I envision lots of blogging about Brianna's struggles with daycare, her big girl bed, and potty training. Or perhaps you would prefer pregnant woman gripes? I will try and mix it up for you!

No more pictures or posts

Well, Pictures of 6 flags, and anything else I wish, will have to wait.

Modem at home is totally fried thanks to a lightening storm last week that sent a powersurge through our phone line. I'm sure we will get around to fixing it as we are adicted to the internet, but not for a while. We will be out of town until mid-August and will have to order repairs after that.

I hope you all have an enjoyable month, and I'll see you not so soon!

A Great Day in America

Yesterday Adam and I took Bri to Six Flags Great America. It was a BLAST! Yes, I know she is only two and cant ride 95% of the rides. WHO CARES!?! It was a not-too-hot day, sunny but not baking, and we had fun till Bri dropped. Literally.

We ate hot dogs and funnel cakes.
We walked, a LOT.
We rode the kiddy rides.
We tried out the new waterpark;
kiddy area,
wave pool,
lazy river.

As a last stop we hit a shop (it's illegal to leave with out an overpriced souvenir to round out overpriced day). In the 5 min. I needed to find the perfect thing. Bri fell asleep. Sitting up. In her stroller. Drooling. Pictures will follow next week.

Awesome!

I am not a Bitch

This comment is mostly for Jamie, but is also something I have recently confirmed about myself.

I just finished three of the most hectic weeks ever. So much for summer being a time to relax, HA! I took two full graduate school courses with a combined 9 projects/papers between them. Meanwhile, I was still trying to find time to spend with Brianna and Adam, and heaven forbid, find time to rest so that my pregnant body doesn't self destruct on me! If you've never been pregnant, you'll figure out this comment when you are!

I technically still have one of the nine papers to write, but I have until next Friday so in true procrastinator style, I am waiting until after the fourth to start. I deserve a weekend.

Anyway, back to my original idea for this post... I am not a bitch.
1. Jamie- I warned the few readers of this blog that updating it would be almost non-existent for a while!
2. In my recent class on leadership, I learned that I am not a bitch, I am a leader. What I need to work on I guess is when to lead, and when to step back and let someone else lead. OK, I have a lot of things I need to work on but that is a biggie for me.

My Affirmations:
1. I do not have to be in charge and know everything all the time.
2. I need to take time for myself.
3. I need to learn when to be friends with someone, and when to simply be friendly.

I hope that everyone is well, and having a safe holiday weekend. I'll try and get back sooner rather than later. With pictures!

Really quick

I just wanted to say that I feel productive today!

This is a pretty unusual occurrence for any day of which I am on summer break, let alone one that is the 4th 90 degree day in a row.

Today I have done a little work, I have shopped, and I have paid bills. Soon I will add laundry and cooking dinner to my growing list. For a summer day, even one of these would count and good, two or more should count as exceptional!

That being said... I have better things to do than hang out on the internet during the last 15 minutes of only free time (nap!).

All the News!

1. School is out! Hooray!!! I would totally go get a really good pitcher of daiquiris if I could!

2. I am now working on slower-than-a-turtle-stuck-in-an-ice-cube computer and will probably be posting less often than before. (as if that is even possible.)

3. It's a boy, or it's going to be a boy, but it already is a boy, it's just not born yet. What is the proper way to say that? I'm pregnant with a little boy who will be named Grant William. I am excited that he will be born after his sister who will hopefully teach him not to be a schmuck as he grows up. He won't learn most of it from his daddy so Brianna and I will have to teach him.

Must go nap now while I have the chance! (GOD, I love being a teacher in the summer.)

:-)

Anal Retentive Witch

Apparently, the title, is me!

I think I was trained well as a child to be over-conscious about obligations and duty. Thanks Mom!

I am the leader of a 4 person team at work. The students left today at about 1:15. Our contract states we are to be at work until 2:45, the extra time is dubbed "records time" for all the end of year crap we have to do. At 2:40, I am now the only member of my team working or even in the building. This really bothers me.

It doesn't bother me that I am at work, this is my job, this is part of my job description, no hard feelings there. I am VERY bothered by 3 coworkers who decided to take off early because they felt like it, or that they were done with their work, or that they had to run to the bank and the grocery store. Is no one a responsible adult anymore?

And by the way, the 2 that are "done" with their work... knowingly ignored potential problems so that they could be done, and then admitted that they would not go back and re-do the work even though they knew it was incomplete. The third went home early because she has to come back tonight (also in our contract) and wanted longer between drives back and forth.

There is so much more I could say but I am Too. Damn. Mad!

Feeling great!

It is Friday afternoon... My last class of the day is watching a movie.... I'm going home early today to pack for nice(?) weekend in beautiful Galena..... Three day weekend which includes mom and Adam's birthday's and my (our) aniversary.... and next week is my LAST WEEK OF SCHOOL.

Try hard to remember all those years ago to when you were a student approaching the last week of middle or elementary school. (Not high school or college because they had the stress of finals.) Now, take that childhood joy and multiply it by 10, or 100 because that's how teachers feel!

All is good.

Am I stupid or something?

1. I wore white again today and within the first five minutes had spilled orange soda on myself.

2. I got up and got ready in anticipation of a 6:45 meeting this morning only to remember a block from the house that the meeting was tomorrow.

3. So I went home and got Bri, relieving Adam from this painful duty of the unhappy drop off.

4. Which of course made me 20 min late for work.

5. And I spent all my cash at the dollar store yesterday so must eat microwave popcorn for lunch. Or Bum $ from friends which does not sound good.

Top 5 reasons why Moms should not wear white!

5. White is a magnet for food spills and messes.
4. Children will see you as a target for chicken McNuggets drenched in Ketchup.
3. Popsicles will drip on you.
2. Diaper messes... Need I say more?
1. You are a human Kleenex/napkin for every grubby hand and nose within a mile!

I'm the Susan

Go to www.abc.com and scroll down to the Desperate Housewives ad. Click on it and search for the link to find out what Desperate Housewife you are! Make sure you let me know.... I'm Susan, I'm very nosey and want to know your business! This is so true!

Because I have nothing else to say

Please take one minute everyday to help women in need.

The Breast Cancer Site has a little button you can press once a day to help fund mamograms for women who can't afford them for themselves. If you have more than one minute, the site has some wonderful sponsors who help support breast cancer research funding.

Bookmark the site and go there everyday!

naked at work

If you are here because of the title... go away Perv!

Our e-mail system is down today and I feel totally isolated! I work in a huge school, more than 200 staff members, most days our school is more like a small company than what most of you remember from your school days. We really rely on our e-mail system to pass messages, get information and just to be connected. Without that in place, I might as well be naked at work. I feel alone, isolated, and anxious.

Normally we have this really wonderful system. Every 5 minutes it checks for new e-mails and if I have one, it lets me know with a little "ping" sound. I love the "ping". I need the "ping".

I'm sure that somewhere in the building, or in the district office, someone is running around like a chicken with thier head cut off trying to fix this. I wish I could help.... I wish I could do something!

blogging milestone

Today I commented on a blog that wasn't Jamie's. (Althought Jamie is my sister, and I love her, commenting on her blog is a must, no biggie!)

I have been thinking for some time about commenting on DGM's blog. His stories really crack me up and make my day better. So today I did. I'm a little disappointed with what I said, but if I gush, I show the lameass that I truly am! I wasn't ready for that on a first comment.

Someday I hope to comment on Dooce. Then my blogging life will be complete!

Long time no blog

Hello to all my faithful readers!

I've missed the 4 of you! :-)

Seriously it has been a long time since I've posted anything. I will just start by saying that I finally have time to breathe! Grad class is over for a few weeks, work is settling down, the play is over (Did I tell you I volunteered to help choreograph a play? What was I thinking?), and I am not sick everyday. Did you hear that! The morning sickness finally is giving me a break!!!!!!!! YAHOOOOOOOO!!!!!! (Now that I've written that, it might come to punish me but I'll take the chance).

More recently in our house was one of the busiest mothers day's I've ever seen. Basically it consisted of family (extended family) from 9:30 in the morning until 9 at night! STRAIGHT! Now, as much as I love my family and enjoy spending time with them... I might just have to insist on a more quiet mothers day next year. All I really wanted was a quiet day at home with Adam and Bri but because my mom and Denise wanted gatherings... I went along. Now, don't get me wrong, I loved the gathering(s) while I was there but it left me very tired and wasn't really my choice of a day. Besides the fact that my husband got me nothing. That's right, nothing! No card, no gift, nothing! I'm not sure he even really realized it until at about 9:30, as we were getting ready for bed, I said to him... "Really, so I'm not getting anything?" And he sheepishly replied... "Well I had something in mind but I didn't get a chance..."

I'm not really seriously wounded or anything but a card would have been nice!

Well, I will leave more topics for later days such as.... Why I hate morning thunderstorms and how 1 minute can change a woman's life.

I guess I'm catching up

I finally figured out today... I am a suburban mom.

I have always had a hard time viewing myself from the outside and seeing all the pieces as whole. However, today for some reason, I began to see myself as a suburban mom.

I have lived in the suburbs all my life, that should be nothing new. I've been a mom for almost 2 years, that should be nothing new. I've worked as a teacher for 4 years, nothing new. I've driven my SUV over 40,000 miles in 3 years, nothing new.

I'm not sure I can put my finger on why, before today, it did not occur to me that I am a classic suburban mom. It won't be long before I'm off to soccer practice and dance classes and making sloppy joes for dinner.

I feel old today.

Thank you

Thank you to Jamie who taught me how to fix my blog problem!

Thank you to my sick days that I've accumulated for allowing me to take yesterday off to do laundry and read a cheap novel!

Thank you to Brianna who melts my heart when she says thank you in the morning after I tear off a piece of my Egg Mc Muffin (the muffin only) to give to her.

Thank you to Adam who has been super-dad this week so that I could attend a lot of nearly pointless meetings and dance rehearsals that go no where!

On to other things...

I was asked to co-lead a meeting tomorrow on our teacher institute day. (YES! Teachers actually do work on those days!)

On one hand, I feel that this is a wonderful opportunity and I am honored that they trust me to help lead 30 of my co-workers in the right(?) direction. Since I am training to be a school administrator, this is something I really want to do well. And I think I can do it well.

On the other hand, I feel like I have to defend myself to my slacker co-workers at the same time. These people are my good friends and they just don't understand my ambition to be seen as a value to my school building. They are happy just hiding in their classrooms and not doing more than the minimum outside of that. These people tease me for caring about the running of the school and the decisions made. And I feel that I have to defend myself to them. Why is that? Why do I need to pretend that I'm not proud of being chosen, to stress the fact that I really wasn't given a choice in the matter.

Is this my insecurity or their selfishness as friends?

blogging vacation

I may not be blogging much right now... not that I was real often before but...

1. Blogger will not let me view my own site right now, everytime I try, I get sent to the dashboard, not the site itself. Weird, and a little discouraging.

2. We have blogging ring at our school! The kids are now into blogs and are being somewhat dangerous and inappropriate in the information they are sharing. SO- Blogs are being monitored all over our building to see how the kids are managing to update them from school and just to make sure our kids are safe. SO- I hope this one won't get me in trouble, Blogger is not being monitored that I know of, our kids are using something called xanga.com, so that is being blocked currently. Still, I feel a little unsafe blogging from school right now.

I hope to be back with you soon, or find more energy to blog from home.

Beautiful Brianna

Today, I dressed Brianna with all the preppy-ness I just can't seem to manage for myself! Her little pink "Izod" style shirt, whose collar just won't lay down for some reason, and her little white shorts looked adorable with her matching pink scrunch socks and white keds!

I couldn't resist!

She woke up this morning and proceeded to refuse to leave her crib until she could show me her blanket. Now, I have seen this blanket every day for almost 2 years now! I couldn't figure out why this was so important... then, through my own early morning haze, I realized she was actually saying blanket. She didn't care about showing me the blanket, except that she was showing me that she could say it's name.!!!!!!

I'm so proud.... Harvard, here we come!

I am a lucky girl

My husband loves me even though I am sick and cranky all the time!

My Daughter loves me and doesn't want to leave me... except at night when she asks to go to bed when she is tired. ( Parents will understand how amazing that is!)

My Mother loves me enough to drive out to my house any time she can to either baby sit or help me get stuff done.

The rest of my family is also wonderful!

particularly today, I feel like a lucky girl because I got away with a lie last night. My law professor assigned us a very big project several weeks ago, which I of course left till the last minute... and then didn't get it done in time to turn in when it was due last Wednesday. SO... yesterday I turned in the finished product and told him that it was in my folder all along and that I was very embarrassed that I had forgotten to turn it in! He gave me a hard time at first, but only in fun. He didn't seem to care at all.

I don't think I will tempt that fate again any time soon!

Call the men in the white coats

Well, I am trying hard to make this a positive place. I have forbidden myself from talking about sickness or any other unhappy thing right now. So, of course that's all I can think about to write.

Except maybe... I have lots of thoughts on the fact that Britney Spears has just announced that she is pregnant. I don't really know her but I am afraid she will be a horrible mother. She just seems so self-involved, and young. I know lots of people have kids young, but she acts young. And what about Kevin? He just left one woman who was 6 mo pregnant with his child at the time. Several gossip magazines I've read say that he doesn't want children and that this could break up their marriage. I don't really care except that it is one thing to bring a child into a strong marriage... it can be tough... but if one person isn't happy about it. What will happen then?

One of my strangest thoughts is that maybe I should e-mail Britany! If she's just announcing it now, she's probably within a few weeks of my due date and maybe she would like another pregnant girl to hash things out with. This is where the men in the white coats should come and take me away. Do I actually think that she would read my e-mail and want to be pen pals or something? Well, no, not really, which is why I'd never actually do it... but I've seriously considered it.

Which maybe means that actually I want another pregnant person to talk to. My friends and family are great about listening and trying to understand but there is just no substitute for a friend who is close to your due date who can REALLY understand and offer advice that might actually work. I love my mom, and my friends, but they either haven't been pregnant, or not for over 25 years! They don't really know how to help, or that maybe I don't need help, I just need them to nod and say "Oh" or "that's too bad" at all the right times. Another pregnant woman would understand that.

Call in the straight jacket... I'm really loosin' it today!

At Jamie's request

In just a moment I will tell you all a story that Jamie assured me is perfect Blog material.

First, let me say... 1. This is my first post from home! 2. I decided to stay home and rest today, I am proud of my decision. It wasn't my most responsible decision ever, but I feel better than I have in over a week.

Now... On to Jamie's new favorite story....

Jamie and I were talking on the phone last night and all of a sudden she had to stop to tell Doc to stop licking the couch. This prompted me to assure her that that was nothing. Tuesday afterschool I had taken a nap to try and feel better. Adam had taken Brianna away to play for the most lovely hour nap on the couch, all curled up under one of those knit blankets... Anyway, I was just waking up when they came back. Brianna saw that my eyes were open and rushed right over to get my attention. Well, I must not have been quick enough to give her my full, undivided, fully awake attention. She decided to head butt me in the shoulder. This is not an evil act, it is her way of hugging/cuddling. Well, she stayed that way for a moment and I thought it was very sweet... Until I looked down at her and she was licking the blanket!

In my horror that she was licking the "icky" blanket, I pushed her little chest back until she could no longer reach the blanket with her abnormally long, pointy tongue (which has previously been compared to Gene Simmons). She thought this was now hysterical. She leaned back in to lick the blanket some more after giving me a look that clearly said "mom, you are ridiculous and I am going to lick this blanket just so you push me back again." We went on like this for several minutes. She would lick the blanket, I would push her back, she would give me her devilish smile, and we were at it again.

Its amazing how often babies and toddler stories are similar to dog stories!

(EVen as I type this... she is licking a piece of paper that I've just had to confiscate!)

Update (read my earlier post first)

After a small snack, and some moderate work, I am feeling slightly better. I have also come to the conclusion that there is no way Hades is going to freeze over in time for me to get all my grad school work done for tonight, SO, I'm just going to do as much as I can and take my lumps if he decides not to be generous when I tell him it's not all done.

I'm still pondering the thing about work tomorrow....

PS- notice how I seem to have tons of time to update my blog not once, but at least twice, and still not get significant amounts of other work done! Is spring here or What!

Not really "lovin' it"

Today am definitely NOT "lovin' it". I feel like sh*t on a stick. I have 12 hours of work to do and only 6 hours to do it in. I have grad class tonight. I won't see Bri (or Adam) until they are tired and cranky. I'm hungry. I'm nauseous.

I WANT A NAP! A 24 HOUR NAP!

maybe I'll stay home from work tomorrow... Don't remind me that I've just had 10 days off... I am stressed and tired and that makes me sick and the only way to get un-sick is to sleep and I don't have time to sleep....Unless I take tomorrow off work. I'm going to keep pondering this one....

New product

I was recently SO SICK of drinking ice water that I decided to try a new product...

Crystal Light now makes single serving pouches made to be mixed with a bottle of water, have you seen these commercials? SO, you just put the tiny pouch into your purse, then when you inevitably buy your bottle of water at some point in your day, you dump the little package in, shake, and voila! Yummy, flavored water, with only 5 calories.

They currently have 4 flavors; Ice Tea, Lemonade, Peach Lemonade, and (my fav.) Raspberry Ice.

I highly recommend this treat. Obviously I am ridiculously excited about this, excited enough to ramble on for way too long on the blog...

so much to say

Well, It's been a while... Last week my family took a very nice trip out to southern Arizona to visit Adam's parents. While we enjoyed our four days in the sun and with his parents, and there were many things that I enjoyed about it, there are several things I DID NOT enjoy that I now need to get off my chest.

1. The plane ride down in which we forgot a passifier and Brianna fussed/cried/screamed the entire 3 hours.
2. My sunburn, enough said.
3. No alone time... thus is the nature of a family vacation but still a negative
4. The trip home... for several reasons;
a. I was already feeling sick, but landings really kill me
b. a layover in Denver
c. a 1hr 20 min delay in Denver
d. not leaving Denver until 11:00 Denver time, thats MIDNIGHT in Chicago
e. landing in Chicago at 1:58 only to have the daylight savings time change make it 3:15 by
the time we got to baggage claim.
f. puking my guts out on the side of 294 at about 4 in the morning. (morning sickness +
tired+ 2 plane rides + airport food)

I think now I will go reflect on how I'm supposed to be feeling better after a nice relaxing vacation but instead feel more tired and especially ill this morning.

Good morning

Have you ever thought about the duality of that phrase?

This morning I can wish you all a "good morning" because I am having a "good morning". Have you ever wished someone that particular greeting and then stopped and thought.... Why do I care if their morning is good, mine sucks and theirs should too! That's how I feel some mornings, but not today... And I digress!

Today Brianna didn't cry when I left her at day care. This is the second day in a row for that and it fills my heart with joy. I know she has not come to the realization that she has to go there whether she likes it or not and she should just make the best of it. I think she has actually come to like her teachers and friends (most of the time). She was still clingy, and not too happy with me, but she didn't cry.

Of course now we are going to start spring break this afternoon! She will have 10 glorious days with her parents (and we will be overjoyed to be with her). However, on the dreaded April 4, we will all have to go back to our "normal" routine. And my money is on the crying starting back up again. But I see the light at the end of the tunnel so to speak.

So, as I sit here at my computer, killing time, not doing the work I should be, planning my vacation and pedicure today, I wish you all a really good morning because if I get to have one you should too.

Thanks!

Thank you to Jamie and Heather for reading my blog!

and James... I knew you would sympathize with the Diet Coke thing.

If I don't find something other than water... I will soon grow gills!
UGH! Ideally, only 2 more weeks of feeling this awful all the time.

I punish myself!

Today I am giving up my normal lunch with my co-workers.... To work!

I just can't seem to get anything done in a timely basis these days. So, I am going to have to sacrifice my hour of complaining and sympathy to actually get some work done in my classroom. Don't worry, I have no plans to make this anti-social behavior a standard. We have open house this Wed. night and I just have too many things to do between now and then.

I have high hopes that this dedication to getting stuff done will pay off so I don't have to repeat this lonely act afterschool today, or Heaven Forbid! during lunch again tomorrow!

Wish me luck and send some focusing waves my way!

Last time I checked....

Isn't it March 17th? The middle of March? The month of spring rains and budding flowers?

THEN WHY IS IT SNOWING?

It has been snowing here all morning and is actually accumulating. I look out my window and feel January all over again.

I CAN'T HANDLE JANUARY, I WANT APRIL!

Update

So now that I have decided to tell you all about this absolute miracle that doubles as a temporary form of torture, here is the first thoughts.

I am nauseous, ALL THE TIME. I have found that the only thing that helps alleviate this even a little is eating about every hour and a half. While this, in the past, would have been a dream come true for me, it is actually more like torture. I have to eat very certain foods, in small amounts, and I have to be careful to keep a balance between solids and liquids or my stomach becomes double upset... And any liquids have to be ice cold or my stomach doesn't handle that well either. AND I CAN'T DRINK DIET COKE! I had already cut down to caffeine free for most of the day, but now I can't have any of it, my stomach doesn't approve of even little sips!

Problems with this... I work in a school where I don't actually get breaks on an as needed basis, and they aren't really scheduled on my new grazing schedule. Also, there is very little food available here that actually works for me right now so I have to plan out 3-5 snacks before I leave the house every morning. Lastly, there is no ice available in the entire building. So, either have to buy a new cold water from the vending machines about every hour OR, now I have found that I can get a big thermos of ice ready in the morning and use it as it slowly melts all day long.

My morning routine has more than doubled! I pack less stuff for my toddler than I do for myself when leaving the house now!

Start Spreading the News....

I really am not ready to say this to all of you.... but then agian, Jamie is the only one that reads this and she already knows....I'M PREGNANT. I have been trying to hold it in from the greater world for a month now, and just can't make it the three more weeks until it's "safe" to spread the news officially. If you actually know me... just don't say anything to my work place yet, OK?

It is fairly safe to say that this blog will now become a regular series of entries about how I feel, how my body changes, and the fears of being a mother. I am going to use Dooce and some of our other old favorites as inspiration. I will now be a no holds barred, open woman who tells you WAY too much information about myself but if you read this, you know what you're in for!

I am very excited to have this new outlet for my complaints and joys!
Watch out world, Pregnant woman on the way!

Brains of Swiss cheese

I have recently discovered that my brain is made of Swiss cheese. I think that I have taken on SO much in my life, that instead of enriching my knowledge base, it is drawing away from my ability to do simple things like remember appointments.

As it is, I think I may need to scream!

What do you think my students would do if right now, in the middle of class, I started a deep primal scream?

Today, I worked at work!

Oh productivity... let me count the ways,

Today I:
1. Finished ALL the grading I had waiting for me.
2. Taught 4 adequate lessons which kept the children entertained and engaged.
3. Updated my computer gradebook so that I could...
4. Provide each family with an updated grade next week.
5. I returned parent phone calls!
6. I cleaned up the clutter in my classroom.
7. I planned my next MONTH of lessons
8. I'm updating my blog
9. I'm going to sit through 5 hours of conferences tonight
10. I'm going to be painfully sweet rather than say the things actually going through my head.
11. I will get home in time to play with Bri and relax with nothing left to worry about for tomorrow! Isn't that the best of all!

Valentines day

Well, this week I woke up Monday morning wishing the week were over. What does that tell you about my state of mind, and the week I have planned?!?

We have decided on a very nice Valentines day tradition that I think I will share with the group. Yesterday, Adam got his Valentines day. He got to do the day the way he wanted, in his sweatpants, watching TV and playing on the computer, where I brought him his favorite Subway sub. Tonight I will get my Valentines day. A nice family dinner at my favorite restaraunt where I eat appetizers and dessert, no real dinner.

Don't feel like I got shafted because I had to wait and he went first... we called my favorite restaraunt last night and just did not feel up to the HOUR AND 15 MIN. wait to be seated. Since they don't take reservations, we figure tonight we'll have a better chance.

All in all, a happy holiday!

PS- re: my picture below-- I am no longer blonde, I have gone to a more natural light brown/auburn shade that I love.

This is me!

B&W joey
Originally uploaded by josharow.

If you ever wanted to know too much about me, here you go! Here are my answers to some questions about my life!

2. What time did you wake up this morning? 4:45 and then every 7 min after that until 5:30ish

3. What did you have for breakfast? half of a peanut butter sandwich

4. Name as it appears on birth certificate: Johanna Kate Johnson

5 Nicknames: Joey, Josh, Jo Kate

6. Piercings: only in my ears

7. Eye color: Hazel

8. Place of birth: Gainesville, GA

9. Favorite food: lately, Hamburgers

10. What foods do you dislike? most fish

11. What is your favorite chip flavor? Nacho Doritos

12. What is your favorite CD at the moment? Phil Vasser

13. Favorite sandwich? at home- Plain Peanut Butter.... Away- meatball

14. What kind of car do you drive? Ford Escape

15. Favorite item of clothing? Loose jeans, sweatshirt, bare feet

16. Ever been to Africa? No

17. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? Greece, or Hawaii

18. What color is your bathroom? White walls with green and blue accents

19. Color is your bedroom carpet? Blue, but I did not pick it out and hope to get rid of it someday

20. Favorite brand of clothing? whatever fits and makes me look thinner

21. Where would you retire to? southern CA

22. Favorite time of day? Night time, that is if I don't have grading to do.

23. What was your most memorable birthday? 18- In the Bahamas. Where you can gamble at 18!

24. Favorite sport to watch? Football

25. What fabric detergent do you use? Cheer Free

26. What characteristics do you despise? People who complain about things that are their own darn fault

27. Coke or Pepsi? diet coke- caffiene free

28. Ever been toilet papering? sadly, no

29. Love someone so much it made you cry? Yes.

30. Been in a car accident? One bad, one minor.

31. Croutons or bacon bits: bacon bits

32. Favorite day of the week: Whichever weekend day I have nothing planned

33. Favorite restaurant: Red Lobster or Olive Garden

34. Favorite fast food restaurant: Mc Donalds

35. Favorite flower: Roses

36. Diamonds or pearl: DIAMONDS

37. Favorite drink: strawberry daquari

38. Favorite ice cream: Chocolate with fudge or brownie bits

39. Disney or Warner Bros.? Disney

40. How many times did you fail your driver's test? 0, but I should have!

41. Before this one, from whom did you get your last e-mail? A parent at work :-(

42. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? H & M

43 What do you do most often when you are bored? eat, watch TV, sometimes at the same time.

44. Bed time: somewhere between 9:30 and 11:00

47. Favorite TV shows: CSI, Lost, Desperate Housewives

48. Last person you went out to dinner with: Adam and My parents

49. Ford or Chevy? we own one of each

50. What are you listening to right now? My students packing up their books

51. What is your favorite color? Red...

52. Lake, ocean or river? Ocean

53. How many tattoos do you have? Zero.

54. Have you ever run out of gas? No.

Irony sucks

Isn't it ironic (don't start singing...) that the one week I can't possibly have time to relax, or be sick, That I of course get sick. I feel like crap, I'm loosing my voice, and my throat hurts like I have a truck full of tacks trying to get down it.

On top of that, Brianna has been sick. She's had a runny nose (which is really no big deal) but then that progressed to pink eye! And now, like me she seems to be having a hard time swallowing and feels the need to cough a lot. I do mean A LOT! She coughed on and off for an hour this morning. And not little discreet, look at me mom, type coughing. Actual hacking coughs that make me cringe and want to cry for her, while simultaneously holding her as close as I can while praying she doesn't puke all over me.

I learned how to enter pictures!

snapshot
Originally uploaded by josharow.

So it turns out that Mac's suck for blogging! But- I found a way to put pictures up.

This was our snapshot that took first place on Sunday.

Just Plain Crazy

Well, since we last "spoke" I have sabotaged myself yet again.

Friday my students turned in a research paper they have been working on....Let's see.... 99 research papers x about 10 min. each to grade= almost 17 hours of grading! I bet you never looked at it that way when you were a student did you?

So I should have spent every spare minute reading papers over the weekend right? NOPE! Didn't read a single one. Saturday, had a lovely day just playing with Bri and vegging out on the couch. Sunday... Well, Sunday I'll get to in a minute. SO ANYWAY- I took Monday off work and graded papers all day long (sort of) and I got through a little over half of them. Now it's Wednesday, and here I am typing this instead of grading.... I am just plain crazy!

SUNDAY- On Sunday we decided that since we didn't have anything better to do, we would enter Brianna in a Beautiful Baby Contest. Literally, we decided based on the fact that we had nothing else that day, it was just something to do. We never thought anything would come of it...
4 trophies!
-Best Snapshot
-Best Smile
-4th runner up girls age 15-23 mo.
-Overall point total winner age 15-23 mo.

Before you think I've gone all Patsy Ramsey.... This is a natural baby contest with advertising as it's ultimate goal. That means, NO makeup or pageant tricks. They want natural babies/toddlers who have personality. NOT tricked out pageant kids with coaches and angry moms!

So all in all... Crazy as usual, but fun all the same !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
at home
Originally uploaded by josharow.

Why I love my life

Yesterday was a perfect day! My work day was relatively easy and without trauma. I worked one-on-one with a fabulous student who learned an entire dance in a half an hour, even though she is not a dancer by nature. It's not the best dance I've ever created, but it fits the play well and I am proud of it. Then I went to McDonald's and had a very peaceful, fattening, dinner by myself. (Which I thoroughly enjoyed! Sometimes I like being by myself). OK- going on, I went to grad class, participated in some lively discussion that reaffirmed my desire to progress down this particular career path, and even got done early! So I got home in time to hold Brianna, play with her, and watch my favorite TV shows!

The one kink in the day was that as I tried to put Bri to bed early, which she sorely needed!, it seems that her crib rail fell off it's sliding track! I have no idea how such a thing happened, and we were only able to make it worse last night when we tried to fix it.... But we (Adam) came up with a good temporary solution and I'm sure we will manage to get it fixed this weekend.

But all in all, Yesterday, just when I needed it, showed me that I can be crazy busy, and still love it! SOMETIMES!

self-psychiatry

Why do I take on so much stuff? Is it because my mom always did and I think I should? Is it because I want to feel important? or needed? Why isn't it enough that I have a happy family? do I really need less time at home? I think hard before taking something on, I know it's side effects, but I still do more and more stuff! WHY?

far too long

Well, I suppose it's about time I get my butt in gear and get a post up.

It has been a very long couple of weeks around here. Adam's grandmother passed away on the 13th so we flew out to California for a long weekend to attend the services. Now, while there are definite benefits to being in San Francisco on a weekend it is below 10 degrees in Chicago, It was not a good weekend.

Saturday we spent over 7 hours on a plane, with a very active 19 mo. old! It's only supposed to be a 4 1/2 hour flight but we had over 2 hours of delays. (Never Fly United!) The day was punctuated by Brianna's very first temper tantrum, complete with head thrashing, arched back, and hard kicking legs. Why a temper tantrum.... because her parents (and the airline) insisted that she be strapped into her seat during take off.

Sunday, services, all day. If you've never been to a Jewish funeral (and I hadn't prior to Sun.) it is very intense. I've been to numerous Christian funerals but this was so much more intense. We actually had to help shovel the dirt on to the coffin. It was a very touching ceremony and has wonderful sentiment behind it, but it was so much more final than what I was used to. (Which basically included walking away and trusting that someone else took care of lowering the coffin and covering it, etc.) I've said it before, I'll say it again, VERY intense.

After that, Brianna was really sick the whole of Monday, and Tuesday was another flying day, better this time but still really exhausting!

Since then, we've just been trying to recover mentally and physically. We had a very nice weekend of doing nothing this weekend. Well, nothing but shoveling out our driveway every few hours. We received more than 11 inches of snow this weekend! UGH! The piles are so high on some street corners that you can't see traffic coming, eek!

All in all, I'm busy as usual (see title of site!) but really not lovin' it right now!

Regrets

I was reading Jamie's blog today and she was thinking about her regrets like never going for her childhood dream of being a ballerina... and it got me thinking...

I regret a lot of things in my life. It's not that I am an unhappy person, because I'm not. You'll just have to take my word for it. I love my family and my career. I have enough material things. But it doesn't stop me from having regrets.

I regret not continuing as a dancer. I wasn't very good but I loved how I felt when I danced. I don't get that same feeling anymore because I've let my skills slide so far.

All my regrets about my earlier life really center around the lack of self-confidence I had. I've never been a real outgoing person, I would even classify myself as shy. I always seemed to reach a point in my activites where I no longer felt good enough to continue; Dance, Judging, Coaching, Dating. Thank God my husband came along when he did!

These days I worry more about what I will regret later. If I become a stay-at-home mom, will I regret not teaching or being a principal? If I become a principal, will I regret the time lost with my kids? If I spend my money on blank will I be sorry later? What if I don't buy it?

I have a lot to think about!

Bugger!

Since I primarily use the computer at work... and it won't let me download the necessary stuff... no pictures!

general random thoughts

Today I just need to get out some general random thoughts! I'm not going to spell check and I refuse to edit myself today.

1. We had a huge snow fall this week here in Chicagoland and as a teacher, I had every finger, toe, and other extremity crossed hoping for a day off... no dice! Despite the fact that my 25 min drive took almost an hour (due to horrible road conditions) and our district had several minor bus accidents (due to ice), no day off for me! Now, if your not a teacher, you are already thinking that I get plenty of days off and why do I need another one for goodness sake? WELL, I DO! It's not like I can just take a day off whenever I please. In your job, if your not there, the work just waits for you until you get back, or someone else does it and it doesn't matter. Thats not how it works for teachers. If I take a day off, I have to plan ahead all the work I would have done that day and leave copious notes so someone who isn't a teacher can attemp to do all the things I have been trained to do. And THEN- I have to re-do parts of it when I return to make sure it was done right so I can successfully go on to the next hundred things I have to do. UGH- Why didn't I become a banker or some kind of corporate person? I need to win the lottery or something and take a year off.

Which leads me to:
2. I just got to spend the most amazing two weeks with my daughter. I forget sometimes how much happens in the 8-9 hours I'm at work everyday! Now that we are all back in our work/daycare routine, I miss her horribly all day long. I pains me to hear all the wonderful things she did each day because, while I'm happy she did them and that she had a happy day, I missed it.

3. Yesterday, I missed the first time she played in snow! I can't really blame the babysitter, all the kids were outside playing in it, she couldn't make my daughter stay inside just because I wasn't there to photograph or video tape this big event. I'm really sad. I hope the rain holds off long enough to atleast get a second snow experience on tape this Sat.

4. Why do they make white gloves for children? I purchased this adorable little rose colored jacket for Bri (my daughter) and with it's light pink roses, it just seemed to need this cute little winter white gloves. I know rookie mistake right... any experienced moms could have told me this was a bad idea, but I didn't know! But why do they make gloves that after 10 min in the snow look like the've been run over by 10 dirty semi-trucks? This weekend I'm going to find a snowsuit that will go with black gloves! Or maybe I should just finish off the white ones and dye them.... hmmmm

ENOUGH! I'm going to spend my spare time today teaching myself how to add pictures and links to this site. It's time for me to get my butt into gear and be a more active part of the blogging community.

Happy New Year!

Perhaps it is a little later than normally accepted, but Happy New Year to you all. I hope your holidays were as wonderful as you wanted them to be.

I am back at work after a restful, but never long enough, break from school. We had a wonderful Christmas with my family, I had a lovely relaxing, but fun, birthday, and our New Years was uneventful.... just the way we like it.

Our biggest accomplishment over the last week or so was completely re-organizing one of our rooms so that we could have a play room. It became painfully clear to us as we were driving home from Christmas with my family, unable to see out the windows of the SUV thanks to piles of presents and toys, that we need more storage.

People had always warned me that as babies grow into toddlers, the toys get bigger along with the child... I now completely believe them! We were already quite tired of the entire family room being taken over by toys of all sizes, and that was before Christmas! We are now petrified... and quite convinced that toys reproduce themselves when the owners are sleeping. There is something about blocks and LEGOS and "pop-onz" that I have now discovered, no scientist will ever be able to prove it, but toys really can reproduce. I am quite sure that in a very "Nutcracker" type way, that they come alive at night and have merry little dances and such.

Regardless, Thank you to all of our loving family for your generosity. Brianna can now fully compete for the "Most Spolied Toddler in the World" award. She may not understand how lucky she is (at least not for longer than her 90 second attention span!) but her parents truely do and we love you all for loving us that much.

Happy Holidays

Well, it's been a while since I've let myself take the time for luxuries.

Since my last post, I went to a great salon and had my hair colored and cut. I love the new look but I am still getting used to it. Today, I am taking myself out with my girlfriends from work, we are having appetizers and drinks and going to get pedicures and manicures. We have gift certificates and such, but even taking the time feels like a luxury right now.

Other than that, nothing is new in my life. I hope that you are all well and happy.

Happy Holidays to you if you celebrate them, and Happy New Year regardless of faith!
Wishing you well,
Johanna

Friday blues?

For once in my life, I am not particularly looking forward to a weekend.

1. School has flown by this week, and I’d rather get next week done then have to wait longer for it to come, and go.
2. I have SUCH a busy weekend that I will have a hard time enjoying the various events! If anyone cares, I have book club party tonight, a big corporate holiday party tomorrow (think, chasing 18 mo old, trying to get her to behave, making sure that she is an angel so Grandpa Phil’s friends will be impressed), shopping and travel Sat. afternoon, work on Sunday morning to try and stay caught up, Hanukah with Adam’s family on Sunday afternoon/evening!

Any one of these events would have me happy as a clam, thinking how I can’t wait for the weekend to start so I can go have some fun. All together, it’s just a lot to do!

Having fun is so much work!

I just had a thought….Thank GOD I don’t have any grad school work to do, I might have a nervous breakdown.

Monday blahs

Well it is Monday yet again! Isn't it funny how fast time can fly except on Mondays! (although if you've followed my brain waves in the past.... it is mental Tuesday for me today because I came into work yesterday, Sunday, to get a jump start.)

I am anticipating that the next few weeks will fly by so that I can get to winter break.... so, inevitably (sp? jamie?) they will crawl.

I will keep you posted.

AND- I am thinking of taking my formerly blonde, now somewhat dishwater like hair to a nice light brown color. a color just dark enough never to be mistaken with blonde. I NEED CHANGE!

hello everyone

Hello to all of my imaginary friends who I imagine read this! And to Jamie who I know reads this!

It has been a long week! Apparently I like exclamation points today!!!!!!!!!

I have actually planned a movie for the students to watch today just so I can NOT do work. Now, in my own defense, it is perfectly timed with our curriculm and it is educational. However, I needed some time to do personal things like download pictures and reply to emails, and update my blog! It's not that I don't have grading and other work related work to do... I just promised myself that I would do the fun stuff first.

I love my job!

Now, as personal punishment... I am coming in to work on Sunday morning to have uninterrupted time for planning, grading, and grad school work. I am a crazy woman... who actually cares about her job and profession. Around here, sometimes I think I am alone in caring about my job and profession! Realistically though, I like to be a leader, it's part of my personality. And sometime I don't understand the people who just sit back and let things happen. AND.. I get really pissy when they complain about the results but won't help change things!

Enough for today... I am off to get some fatty snack to reward myself for not having dessert last night. Even I know it's messed up, but I do it anyway!