Still Crazy after all this year

I can't believe it's been almost a year since I posted anything.  I really can't!

Sometimes I think my life is on auto pilot...
Get up, run around like crazy.
Go to work, try to fit too much in and go crazy.
Come home, fight with kids about homework, sports, food, and say crazy things.
Sleep.

Everyday the same.  I love my kids, I love my life.... sometimes I just want different.  And then I feel guilty for wanting it.
What if I'd tried being a stay-at-home mom?
What if we'd never had Chase and had to go through more years of diapers and staying home for naps, Would my older kids be more adventurous or have better experiences?
Would I be happier if I could just shut off the "get involved" instinct at work?


I'm going to try and update more again.  I have things I need to get out, and maybe no one will read them.  I'm ok with that.  Maybe I'd even prefer that... but I need to have a voice again.

And the kids think THEY have spring fever!

We have 27 days of school remaining... 27 more "wake-ups" in which I have to drag my tired tush to work.
I can subtract 4 of those days for Field Day, the Last Day, and Yearbook signing/clean-up days.
I can subtract another 2 on which I will be giving tests (no mental effort for me those days).
And I can subtract 2 MORE on which I will have substitutes for personal/professional reasons.

Drum Roll Please.... 19 "teaching" days!

Somehow, that makes it all easier! However, I feel obliged to confess that even with in those days, I put teaching in quotations because it is impossible to actively teach for more than half-a-class this time a year. The kids need activity or distraction part of every period. None of us, myself included, can listen/talk for a full period. SOOO, planning from here on out is based around the following question:

How can I impart information in a successful manner AND make it interesting AND break it up with movies so I don't go insane with discipline??????

I have a love/hate relationship with the end of the year. I want to keep being a good teacher but the kids are so *done* and I am so *done* pushing/fighting them! I'm walking the fine line between staying sane and staying a teacher!

not enough words...

(This post was originally written Thursday, October 21 but I just couldn't hit "post" right away...)

As a parent, we know that time can pass so quickly! Most children think that everything takes "forever". If only they knew...

3 years ago today, I had a student in my class, A. She loved to talk to me in homeroom and tell me all about her life, her friends, and choir... she loved to sing! I tried not to let her see but as much as I liked hearing about A's life, I had other things I needed to get done and she always wanted to talk!

2 years ago today, A had moved on to 7th grade. She was moving on, growing up, doing all those 7th grade things. I had a new group of students but anytime I saw A in the hall, she was so excited to see her "old" teacher.

1 year ago today, A had started 8th grade. I never saw her anymore... the schedules just don't work out that way. I do know she was still singing in the choir and telling her current teachers all about her life! She just loved talking to the teachers!

Today, A was unrecognizable in her coffin. Leukemia and all it's nasty effects had changed her face, her body, her hands. If I had walked by her in the halls of school, I would never have known it was the gregarious young lady of 3 years before. But I wasn't walking by her in the halls at school. I was walking through the line at her wake. It was a devastating day.

Early this year, A's parents noticed that she'd been weak, tired, and was bruising easily. She was quickly diagnosed with a form of Childhood Leukemia. From that point forward, I don't know much. I do know that when she passed away last week, it was too soon. 8 short months of fighting the cancer in her body. I had no words when I tried to speak to her mother and father. I had no words to explain how my short time with their daughter had been memorable or special. I hope they knew.

I have been crying, a lot. I am a mom first and a teacher second. The teacher part of me just watched another mom say good bye to her only child. I can't help but be SO sad for her and at the same time, I feel SOOO lucky to be able to come home, hug my kids, be annoyed by them, know that they are safe, and healthy. So many parents are out there now, their children aren't healthy or safe. So many parents whose children right this minute are battling Leukemia and other forms of cancer. They don't know where they will be a year from now.

Hug your children. Be kind to those you don't know. Tell the people around you that you love or appreciate them. Today is a gift, tomorrow is a wish. Cherish the NOW in all it's ups and downs.

If you are able, help support a stranger who might not have until tomorrow.

Ugh! and Wow!

I am pretty careful not to discuss work on here too much. Lately, I can't think about much else... Work just seems to be over powering my life right now!

I have been back at school for a mere 2 weeks and I have never felt like this before....

In more important news....

Chase had the most wonderful birthday! I can't believe my final baby is one, walking, eating, using sippy cups, working on words.... He doesn't really cuddle any more. He does give vampire kisses! (He goes in for a big sloppy baby kiss but then bites down with his newly found teeth!) He thinks this is VERY funny! Such an amazing little boy... so different than his brother and sister. He's bigger than they were, blond instead of red headed, prone to ear infections, and FAR more curious. We never had to secure the cabinets and drawers for the big kids, one or two warnings and they just left things alone. Chase heads straight for the pantry or the pots and pans and just looks at us with this little face that says.... are you going to come and get me! HA! I'm opening the cabinets now!!!!!! He's a challenge, and an adventure, and a treasure!

Still kickin...

After nearly a month, I feel obliged to tell you that I am in fact- still alive!

For a couple of you who have had the misfortune to know me in real life and/or have been following for a while realize that when summer hits, I don't blog much. It's not that I am more or less busy.... or have less to say, merely that I am lazy and that this doesn't provide the relief it seems to give me during the school year.

During the June hiatus:
- Brianna turned 7 and finished 1st grade. Be still my heart, my baby is not a baby!
- Chase has decided his favorite thing in the world is to stand up. Not quite walk yet but we are helping him in that direction.
- Grant has not taken to the "relaxed pace" of summer very well. We're learning that he does best with a schedule and the free-style of some of our summer days results in tantrums, pouting, and hitting. He's 4.... what can you do when he's tantruming one minute and ridiculously adorable the next. I love him like crazy, that's what!
- I have taken on working out as my summer "job". I have set goals, am actively working toward them, and seeing progress. I am even consulting with a personal trainer/friend who is helping me out.

In less happy news I feel at a loss some days. Perhaps if I were 4 I could have a tantrum and get over it quickly. Sadly, I am more than 8x4 and the tantrum can be thrown but it just doesn't seem to work anymore. I love summer and relaxing but find that I am missing my schedule and my social contacts at work. Other days I want nothing more than to be alone and suddenly find that I can't seem to get away from the 3 children and husband who is also home all summer!

My balance is gone. Some days it seems to have taken my sanity with it. Other days I think I was never sane but was too busy to notice. Now I notice.

I am old!

Last week at school, I showed the kids a movie called, "A Kid in King Arthur's Court". It is a great Disney flick and goes VERY well with our last topic of the year, the Middle Ages. I love that it is an entertaining fiction film but also close to historically accurate in the areas of clothing, homes, foods, customs, entertainment.

It is a little cheesy as it gets older, it was released in 1995. While I associate with so many of the jokes and background props, it is starting to get dated for my students.

• Some of them had never seen a personal CD player/Walkman and REALLY didn't understand why it has a little red laser/light inside it.
  
• These kids didn't recognize a Swiss-army knife.
• They didn't laugh at the "valley-speak" language when the main character tries to explain that "bad" and "cool"mean good.
• They kids have no idea why the main character explains something as a "Kill you for your Reebok's street life".

I wasn't a little kid when this movie was new, I was in college for Pete's sake! But I get it, and apparently that makes me old!

Endless cycle

Am I more emotional because I am having a bad day or is it a bad day because I'm feeling more emotional?

Am I "the responsible one" or the "stick-in-the-mud"?

When is the right time to force the issue and when is it time to let it be?

Does anyone know where I can buy a "Chill Pill" ?

Sometimes simply surviving is enough

Like when my son repeats "Mommy, I'm cold" over and over for 30 minutes in the grocery store.

Or when I don't sleep well because of all the things going on in my life but then still manage to forget the 2 things I stayed awake all night trying to remember.

Or when I take 90 12-year-olds outside for "field day" and play games for 4 hours on a hot, humid, 80 degree day.

Or when other people at work make my life more complicated by flat out refusing to go with the flow, even when they are the minority and are outvoted 28-4, and the administration supports them by demanding consensus instead of majority rule.

... and when all those things happen in less than 24 hours. You just breathe and know that it could be worse...

Summer- go away for just 10 more days please!

Typically, my school is air conditioned to the point of chill. I have the option to keep my classroom as low as 67 degrees. So- today I dressed in full length khaki's and a 3/4 sleeve summer cardigan with a cami underneath. It is well over 80 outside but I always dress for the "work weather" vs. the outside weather.

Today, the air broke and I am stuck in a classroom that is 81 degrees with 25 smelly 12 year olds and no ability to take off my cardigan since my cami is not acceptable with out it...

I'm MELTING! Send Ice Cubes!

Gossip- you know you do it too!

Here is the question pondering in my mind today....
You hear a good piece of "unsubstantiated information" and know that other people would be very interested in hearing it... When is it ok to tell? Who can you tell? Do you do/say anything to make sure everyone knows it's not proven yet?

I heard a GOOD one this week... from a co-worker, who heard it from a friend "in the know". It was about one of our bosses leaving. This co-worker, she was telling multiple people at the same time, making no effort to stem the conversation.

If it was first heard from a supposedly reliable source, and the second person is telling multiple people, I figure it was ok to be the third person?!?!

I know, gossip is bad, blah, blah, blah... for the record, I only told 2 people and made it very clear that this was gossip, pure unproven speculation. One of those 2 is going to the boss to ask if it is true, she has that kind of relationship with him/her. I'm curious to see if she passes any actual FACT back to me. That I will keep to myself. She's the kind of friend who would tell ONLY me and I can want to be worthy of her trust. I do have standards!

UPDATE: This post was started on Wednesday and never posted. Since then, the boss has announced that he was offered a position in a different school and is leaving.